Motherhood Doesn't Complete Me
Ok, I am sitting in my bed, on a lovely Thursday afternoon after finally completing a full day of work. As I look around my apartment, it seems like an absolute mess. Before I had my baby, I could pride myself on the fact that I could keep a clean space. Now, I can barely keep the kitchen clean, I smell like baby formula and we’re not even gonna get started on my hair. Oh, and to top it off, I am in the newbown trenches and my baby is in a severe sleep regression. As I am looking around and acknowledging how my life has changed after 34 years of being responsible for myself. I cant help but wonder…why doesn’t motherhood complete me?
Before I answer that question, I want to start off by saying this: After 4 long weeks in the house, I was finally able to go outside again and of course put on a pair of jeans. Do I feel 100% myself? No I don’t. But do I feel better than two weeks ago? Heck yeah. Even though I did NOT take my baby outside “hello flue season” I still felt this urge to want to go back to my old self. The self that loves to thrift, blog, skate and enjoy life. I think that is super important simply because the last year of my life has been giving my body and mind to my baby.
I know people want motherhood to be such a selfless job but in actuality, you have to have a little bit of selfishness about yourself to get the job done. I cant imagine not upgrading my career or pursing my hobbies simply because I had a baby. It’s almost an absurd thing to think and honestly detrimental to any woman’s mental health. Besides, no one asks men to “give their all” to parenthood and that’s why they feel comfortable asking for more children. (But thatttt’s a topic for another day). As I sit here and try to type as quietly as a I possibly can “to not wake the baby”, I know exactly why motherhood does not complete me…
It does not complete me because I was already complete before I had my baby. My baby Is just a nice little addition to my life, but my baby is not the reason why I live and breathe “well he’s not the only reason.”
I do believe I can better raise my baby with this mindset at the forefront of my parenting. After all, I don’t see him as “my reason for living or doing better” because I am already doing better. I do feel as though my baby will flourish better because his mother has a clear sense of self, and most importantly won’t place unrealistic expectations on him simply because I feel as though he completes me. Not only will It be better for him but it will most definitely be better for me…
